Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Everybody's got a dark side.

For those of you that know me, or have read my previous blogs, you know that I was a proud and in-your-face blondie. I always proclaimed that Taylor Swift and I were twinnies - I mean, we even started the bangs and straight hair kick at the same time, holla! But...something has happened.

Yes. I must confess. This proud as a peacock blondie has now turned to the dark side.

As you may have seen in previous blog posts, I am no longer my old blonde self. I am a new and improved brunette who is ready to take on the world with a new edge. But, let me tell you, it wasn't easy to part with my long, golden locks. I took great pride in my lion mane, and people knew me by my blonde hair. I had a co-worker say to me "Uh, ya know, most brown hair girls try to go blonde, not the other way around, Mariss." Needless to say I walked away from that conversation. It took lots of thought and I finally took the plunge into the shampoo sink and washed away all the hair dye and saw a new me in the mirror afterwards. I am not the person I used to be; literally and figuratively. 

With all the change going on, I have been seeing a darker side to myself, or should I say a more real side of myself. I always usually put on a happy-go-lucky front and I honestly lived up to the blonde expectation. I was perky, peppy, ditzy and all other adjectives in the list, but I felt like something was missing. I was always worried that if people saw me in anything less than a great mood they would bother me with questions. Yet, I was pushed - against my will, and as a blonde - into situations filled with questions that I didn't want to answer and through the questions and the struggle I was going through, I find a more real side to myself, that I was okay to share with the world. I am no longer afraid of the questions and the pestering; I am going to be what I am that day. Hello, my name is tired, angry, upset, happy, excited, miserable, etc... I found my darker side, my more gritty and real side, and I am becoming more and more okay with that. 

My life has been in a crazy roller coaster of change and new things that I decided that changing my hair was the drastic change I needed in order for me to accept all the other changes what were going on in my life. Finally the whirlwind is starting to calm down and life is getting slowly (really slowly), but surely, easier. I have my good days and I have my bad days, just like everyone else. Some days I feel like I am still a blondie, and other days I feel like a brooding brunette. I change on a daily basis, and I think that that's okay. Life is a day by day, minute by minute kind of thing. Life is up, down, in, out and all things in between but that's what make life...life. 

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